May 23, 2012

How to Remove Earwax

I had to go find this blog (on MySpace-OMG!) from 4 years ago for Amber. We were telling her about another of Justin's adventures, this time when he had a lump of wax in his ear that had to be removed RIGHT NOW.

And now I present How to Remove Earwax

First, poke at it a while. Then pour some olive oil into your ear. Yell to your SO that you need the paper towels you bought earlier that are still in the car. Wait over the kitchen sink with oil dripping from your ear while they go get them.

When you've mopped up the oil puddle, have the SO look up earwax removal on the internet. Let them read through most of the Google results, making sure they pay close atention to "earwax in whales" (National Geographic really needs to do a piece on this....).

While they're enthralled by whale earwax, dig through the bathroom cabinets until you come up with a baby snot sucker and a medicine syringe covered in dust. Pretend you're MacGyver.

Run the water in the sink until it's about the temperature of liquid, hot magma. Fill the aforementioned syringe and have your SO squirt it into the ear at supersonic speed, almost puncturing your eardrum. Repeat a few times until you feel dizzy. Then have the SO look into your ear with a flashlight to ascertain that the earwax lump is indeed still there and is quite large.

Hold onto the sink while you almost fall over.

Go back to Wikipedia and see what they say. Find out that the water should have been at body temperature, as too warm or too cold will cause dizziness. But a solution of vinegar and water should do the trick. SO will probably abandon you at this point, since they feel the dr really should be the one doing this.

Discover that while there's no white vinegar, you have apple cider vinegar. It's all vinegar, right? And vinegar also has water in it, so it should be fine right out of the bottle.

Fill the syringe now that it's cooled with apple cider vinegar. Squirt it into your ear.

Enjoy the cool sensation until the vinegar BURNS THE HAIR RIGHT OUT OF YOUR EAR and SETS YOUR BRAIN ON FIRE. Make sure your SO hears your screams.

Call your mother after the pain resides and your brain doesn't burn. Find out eventually (after she falls down laughing and pees her pants) that apple cider vinegar is NOT the same as white vinegar. It's stronger, about a 5% solution while the white is 3%. And the 3% solution should be diluted at least half and half when used for earwax removal. And stores sells kits for this exact purpose.

But damn if that earwax isn't out of your ear.  

May 14, 2012

Happy Mothra's Day!

Or Mother's Day, if you prefer.

Mine was good.  It started with Justin dealing with Jack Sat night into Sunday, which was....  moderately successful.  Jack was pissed when Justin went in to get him, which led to him coming to bed to nurse, not being able to get comfortable and kicking me in the face for 20 min.  Justin took him back into his room, where he took another hour to get back to sleep.  So yeah.  They got up around 8:30 and went to get me donuts with the girls.

Then we lazed around for a while.  My friend Marie came over in the afternoon so I could take pictures of her girls (you can see those on my Facebook page or website).  I figured since I had the lights and backdrop up, I may as well have my girls get dressed for pics.  I got some great ones of them and Jack.  See?

Well, Jack wasn't smiling, but that's ok.  He wasn't too happy about me getting him changed and putting him on the backdrop.  This was the only one he wasn't trying to crawl away in.  

We had planned to get my present that afternoon, but I'm still a bit undecided.  I'm thinking a new point and shoot is what I want, because my old Sony is dying.  I've been researching and can't decide which one I want.  I don't need anything fancy (that's what my SLR is for), and I don't want to spend a lot.  I'm fascinated by the new CMOS Nikon 1 and the like, but they're a bit pricey.  If I'm going to drop that kind of cash, I'm going to drop it into savings for a D800.  Hence why I'm torn.  

Other things...  still waiting on the med board.  The way it's looking right now we're going to be here through the summer.  We were *really* hoping to be moving in the next month or so, but I guess that's not gonna happen.  Oh well.  The good news is Justin's been found unfit for duty, so we're waiting on the VA and the AF to determine his disability and how they're discharging him.  So we made a new plan- I'm job hunting.  I've got an application in for a photographer position up in Bremerton, which I am insanely qualified for.  I'm waiting to hear back, but it can take a while since it's a federal job.  I can also be insanely qualified, but if someone has a higher preference than I do, they'll get the job over me.  It's just the way it is.  I'm still looking, though.  If I get one, Jack and I will head to Washington and get a small apartment.  Justin and the girls will stay here so they're in the same school.  We don't want to move them then move them again when we buy a house, which is the plan as soon as we are all there.  If this happens, it will suck, yes, but for a short time.  It'll be kind of like a deployment, except one where we can talk as often as we want and people aren't shooting at either of us.  

So that's where we are.  Same damn holding pattern.  I'm planning on using the summer to work the girls like rented mules getting the house cleaned out and organized.  I don't want Justin to have to deal with all of it.