Jul 8, 2010

Dear Pants-shrinking Gnomes,

STOP SHRINKING MY GODDAMN PANTS. I don’t want to be wearing maternity pants when I’m not even 2 months along. For reals. I know this is Sprog #3, and my abs aren’t what they used to be, but for the love of God, I want to be able to wear real pants for a while longer. Stop coming to my house, stealing my jeans and taking them in at night. Stop using my dryer. How the hell are you tall enough to reach the dials anyway?
Give me my real pants back and I won’t be forced to sic the cat on you.
Who am I kidding, the cat won’t do shit. Just stop with the shrinking already.
No love, 

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